It was time for new talismans…
Two years ago my American partner & husband of eight years decided not to stick with the plan and come to Canada after all, and ended our relationship. It was difficult, and I picked myself up and soldiered on.
There were a few raised eyebrows 3 months after he left, when he begged me to take him back. I guess I wasn’t completely “done” at that point, and gave him the benefit of the doubt and acquiesced, a bit. We reconnected over several weekends, and planned a trip to our favorite spot, on the west coast of Vancouver Island.
It was blissful being together again. I remember beach combing one lazy afternoon and pocketing some pretty rocks and shells as we wandered and reveled in the late afternoon sun. Less than a month later, he was gone again; for good, this time, I decided.
I was surprised at how the grieving process unfolded. I spent a year being tough, strong, and marching forward, and it wasn’t until the second year did I feel the hurt, aches and sadness around the loss of the dream I had worked so hard to make happen….
A therapist had suggested doing a clean sweep of the few remaining things that had a connection to him including returning those shells and rocks to the beach on the west coast. I had no plans to go there so we compromised and thought my friend, who went back and forth to Victoria could “return” them to the island as a cleansing exercise.
I hadn’t gotten around to asking her yet, then got invited to the area with friends this last weekend. We had a ball staying at a fabulous oceanfront resort, cooking together, hot tubbing, wine tasting, sitting in the sun in the garden overlooking Juan de Fuca straight. Bliss.
On a day trip we went further up the coast several miles to China Beach and I had remembered to bring the rocks! I returned them to a beach only a few miles from where I had found them 20 months ago. I had a little ceremony of my own and shed a few final tears. I told myself they were good memories, they were now safely in the past. I had done the best I could and I was grateful for the experience of loving as I did. I promised myself I would love again.
Over the course of this recent weekend, I found some lovely new rocks and driftwood. New happy rocks that spoke to me about being whole, grateful for my current life, my strength and my resilient heart.